"NEWS ON THE RADIO HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY"

People, listen up. Today is a super important day. Besides Tet. Why is that, you ask? I'll tell you. Today is the birthday of one of the dearest friends, kindest souls, the menschiest of the mensches and one of the funniest broads I know. That's right, kids. Today is that Katie Schwartz's's birthday! Darling Schwartzeleh, have yourself the most wonderful day ever. This is your year, doll.

She's going to kill me twice for telling, but she is such a great friend and so fabulous that I simply had to flap my trap. So, do me a solid and click over and wish her a very special day. Go on, go on.

"HOW I LOVE ALL OF THE VERY SIMPLE THINGS OF LIFE"

I woke up this morning, just a bit ago, and stood looking out my window at this weird icy-looking fog (incidentally, the word of the day in my email inbox was pogonip)and no signs of life. I live on a busy street, so I usually have cars zipping past day and night. But, it was quiet, tranquil, really, and Kitty and I stood looking out the window for several minutes before we saw anyone else stir.

Remember last year, how I shared, for the first time ever, my annual list. Well, I thought that was a good thing, so I'm doing it again. Feel free to read the list of things about me from last year, if you missed it or would care for a refresher. My feelings won't be hurt if you skip it, though.

So, this list is an annual tradition for me. I make a big list of some kind. Some years, it is a list of things I want to make happen in the year ahead. Sometimes, it's things I learned in the previous year. This year, I don't have a plan or theme, really. I'm just jotting things as they come to mind. in any case, thank you for indulging my 2008 list.

1. I still did not tackle SCUBA or Tango this year, but I learned more about them and will certainly attempt both. Maybe this year. Probably next. This year is already got some major projects in store for me, and I think I'm about finished with the "not taking time to chill" routine. So, in the name of not packing my schedule to the gills, I might wait another year. but, you never know.
2. I conquered my fear of schmoozing in 2007. A book called The Art of Mingling helped more than I thought it ever would. So did getting fed up with clamming up in social situations.
3. I look at love a lot differently than I did last year.
4. I got three new tattoos this year, all in support of the big quarter-backpiece that'll be all over my right shoulder. After I started tattooing items and images I love there, I realized that they're all creative/positive rather than destructive/negative. And I was glad about that. I have several more tattoos get to finish it completely.
5. Katie Schwartz taught me the greatest trick for getting through having blood drawn. I still dread it, but it's doable now thanks to her and a special good luck charm I found in the dirt at my grandparent's place.
6. I think it's a good idea to wear something expensive if it quietly makes you feel fantastic and gorgeous and confident when you wear it. But I think it's absolutely awful to wear something expensive just for the sake of saying you can afford it or to discuss the label. Also, not being objective or thinking critically about fashion (wearing something because it's by a certain designer and not stopping to think it might be garish or ostentatious) is a little pitiful and fashion-slavey to me.
7. I figured out how to keep up with my phone better: get a BlackBerry and put my whole life on it. Funny how I misplace it way less than I did the shitty cheap phone I used to have.
8. I hate smoking more than ever after that needle-in-boob and needle-in-lung situations this summer. Years ago, when I smoked, I used to think smoking bans were an infringement, but I can't wait for the Illinois smoking ban now. I don't get mad at smokers, though. I don't think smokers are bad people, like some do. I'm just afraid for them.
9. I'm still afraid of dying too soon or meeting a violent end. I probably always will be afraid of that.
10. I can tell there is less kitten in my cat this year but I still talk to him like he's a baby and sing "kittenROOO!" at him all the time. He's a chatty cat and if you stand there and ask him baby-voice questions (Are you a good kitten? Do you want a treat? Who is mama's little snuggleroo?) he'll just meow and meow. That cat wants to talk.
11. I love Canada more than I did last year, made some new Canadian friends and now have a favorite bar and diner in Sault St. Marie. My favorite cafe is still that one in Montreal, though.
12. You guys are not going to believe all of the whopper mega-bombs I toss your way in 2008. I couldn't be more excited about this very full year ahead. Be patient. I'll tell yas when I can tell yas.
13. The year ahead is a full one, but I learned to build in some space to chill. 2007 was too busy and it made for some long stretches of rushing around and working too much and suddenly realizing weeks had gone by. I'm human though, so maybe I'll always have to remind myself that it's okay to stop and chill.
14. I am so happy to be where I am right now.
15. I think I'm going to sleep more in 2008. I might as well get a new bed. I learned in 2007 that bamboo sheets are really great. I'll stick with them, I think.
16. I'm going to buy myself a new desk this year. I can't bear this alley-rescued chair and $5 thrift store tiny, wobbly desk with a piece of folded paper under the front leg much longer. The rest of my furniture is pretty nice but then this awful desk and chair are like the rednecks of furniture. All I could do to make them redneckier would be to maybe just put them on cinderblocks or add NASCAR stickers.
17. I think that George Duran has a good idea going with his SMART goals. (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-Bound) And that makes me want to work smarter not harder this coming year.
18. I wish language wasn't so exaggerated anymore. You didn't "literally" watch a movie a "million times" and your bad date likely didn't make you want "go on a killing spree". Also, not everything/everyone you are fond of is "amazing", and unpleasant things don't have to all "frighten small children" or "small woodland creatures" make you want to "commit a violent act" or whatever. It's almost like things that used to be funny occasional exaggerations suddenly went everywhere and they stopped being used as funny exaggerations but as things said without thought. I think you can say funny and sarcastic things and say the truth of things, too. In fact, I think plain truth is funnier. Also, when describing something unpleasant, say being under the weather for a couple of days, it doesn't have to be that you were "violently ill" because just "being sick" is enough of a reason to cancel plans/call in sick/whatever. You know? Or maybe I'm just tired of the same old expressions and am eager for something new.
19. I, literally, have said that a hundred times.
20. I'm going to call 2008 The Year of The Forch.
21. I'm having an important birthday this spring. Important being generally defined as either ending in a 5 or a 0. I've downplayed a lot of birthdays, but I think I'm going to whoop it up a little for this one. I'm excited for the birthday and for the whooping it up. I never once heard either of my parents complain about a birthday, in fact quite the opposite, so I am happy to take the years as they come.
    
22. Never having walked your mile, I'll never call you or anyone else a baby or tell you you're too young to understand something. I did a few things in my life on a different schedule and felt dismissed and judged when people said that to me. So, I'll not say it. That said, I know some wonderfully self-aware and thoughtful teenagers and some full-on disconnected, immature jackasses in their 30s and 40s (and beyond) so I do reserve the right to deal according to that. I'll rarely ask anyone how old they are, either. Mainly because I don't care about that.
    
23. I like Freecycle a lot. It feels good to get rid of things and know the things are going to people who really want them.
24. I love Post-its. I love lists. I really love seeing my posted Post-Its decreasing in number and seeing lines through my lists.
    
25. Cleaning types of books are like porn to me. I just can't think when a mess around me, sure, but also, I find it really satisfying to clean. It's almost like meditating to me. When I stand back, having cleaned my whole house, I'm really relaxed having done the cleaning.
26. I started going grey in high school. I decided to let it go a few months ago and stopped coloring my hair, hoping to let it go salt and pepper then gradually get lighter and lighter. I have since modified that plan. I didn't realize just how grey I'd be. One thing at a time, people. One thing at a time. I have the rest of my life to be a silverhead.
27. Right now, I think my tolerance for bullshit is at an all-time low. I still believe people have unlimited potential. I still believe kindness is the greatest virtue. I just don't believe some people care much about anyone but themselves, though they might claim otherwise. And, what's the use of being around types like that? They'll suck you dry and clean you bones if you let them.
28. I've never kept many photographs displayed in my house, but I'm finding myself doing that more and more.
29. My in-between length hair is driving my crazy. But I'm not cutting it. Not just yet. I want to see if I can still pull off long hair at all anymore.
30. I am such a scent and light person. Rooms with garlicky foods, good perfume and wine smells plus low lighting are so gorgeous to me. I think they remind me of the restaurants/clubs my Dad used to work for when I was growing up.
31. I hope I take a big trip this year to someplace I've never been before.
32. Never, ever, ever say never. I'm surprised by the words I've eaten.
33. I think it is rather unforch that here we are in an era where we have greater access to information than ever and most people are too lazy to research and make decisions, but rather prefer to follow buzzwords and catchphrases and fall victim to bandwagonism.
    
34. It astounds me the amount of things people think they know about Jews. The myth of the shagging through a hole in the sheet is just the tip of the iceberg, folks.
35. I found the greatest diner this month. Full breakfast and coffee for about $3. I don't want to tell you where it is and if you stalk me to breakfast, I'm going to be more than a little bit cross at you. But this diner makes me believe in a whole list of warm-fuzzy things.
    
36. I still wish I sang for a little alt-country band.
    
37. Last week, I had zero bottles of wine in the house and thought, "I should fill that wine rack to start the new year." Today, I have a full wine rack and a few extras thanks mostly to nice gifts.
    
38. A few times a year, I give my place a good clean, I stock my pantry, I give my stuff the shakedown. My birthday/Passover, Rosh haShanah and New Years Eve. There's something nice and tabula rasa about those occasions and I like to start on the right foot.
39. As much as I have zero desire to be in the military, I don't necessarily think required service for a brief period (that many countries have as a policy) is a terrible idea because I think our elected leaders would see and use the military differently and hopefully more sparingly if their own children were going to have to be or were part of it. That said, I think we'd be in real trouble if Jenna and Barbara Bush were defending the country.
    
40. I hope this time next year, I know how to do something that I can't do now.
41. I hope this time next year, my French is better.
42. I think there is a difference between discussing and arguing and that discussing is a lost art.
43. I still think you can't be too much of a shit if you love and can quote the Simpsons. I also still believe that there is a Simpsons quote for any occasion.
    
44. Just because I haven't told you off doesn't mean I like you. I might just not see the value in telling you off.
45. Just because I disagree with you doesn't mean I don't like you or even love you to shreds. That was not a shout-out to anyone.
    
46. I hope animals think humans are complete idiots.
    
47. Skinny Legs and All by Tom Robbins is still my favorite book, just like it has been since I read it about seventeen years ago.
    
48. I use cloth dinner napkins, but I don't think I would use cloth diapers if I had a kid. I am trying to use/eat/wear/apply/buy fewer and fewer chemicals, and I am hung up on bleach. I like bleach a lot. I'll find an alternative.
49. I don't think any of us are as non-conformist as we think we are or wish we were.
    
50. If nothing else, I am resourceful. I always find a way to make things work. Always have.
    

"ANYTHING IS HARD TO FIND"

I don't really sit down and make formal resolutions. I make a list every year right at the end of the year, an inventory of sorts. Last year, I wrote out 100 random thoughts and bits of trivia, but this year, I'm not totally sure what my approach will be. A "best of" sort of thing was my first thought, but we shall have to wait and see.

if I did make any resolutions or plans or anything for the coming year, the only thing coming to mind is to use more eco-friendly products and less chemicals in my house, but that's not really a resolution. That's just a good move that'll be easy enough to do that I've been working on anyway. Maybe more yoga would be a good move. My fitness inclinations tend to shift from time to time, but yoga is a good constant.

The Christmas Story 24-marathon has started. What a funny movie, this one. I may be a dreidel-spinner, but I know a funny flick when I see it. Har. If I had to pick a favorite nin-minute segment, I think it'd be this one with the Bumpass Hounds and Meatloaf Meatloaf Double Beatloaf, most of it starting around the 5-minute mark on this clip:

"THE STORY OF MY LIFE"

I have a vaguely holiday-themed piece up on Monkeybicycle.

My BFF just sent me a really awesome present!

Then the buzzer buzzed again and my Mom and Dad sent me another really awesome present!

Hey! Forch!

"A RUSH AND A PUSH AND THE LAND IS OURS"

(Hat tip to Leah for sending this one along.)

"PRUDENCE NEVER PAYS"

This shit is a monologue:

A dude on the news tonight, when asked if it was the right thing to do to greet all customers with "Merry Christmas" as opposed to "Happy Holidays" (you know, because g-d fucking forbid we use inclusive language) said, "It has got to be Merry Christmas. This is America."

Doesn't he mean 'Merica? Oy. Sigh. People are so unforch.

Like, what's the fucking harm of saying "Happy Holidays"? It's fucking plural. Not "holiday", but "holidays". So why all the panties in bunches? Happy Holidays is cool for anything starting from Thanksgiving, then onto Christmas, Winter Solstice, Yule, Chanukah, sometimes Ramadan (when it isn't uber-early like this year), and into New Years. It's one extra syllable and makes a world of difference. It's not denying Christmas or lessening it, it's just acknowledging that other people are shopping in your store. That's it.

Now last year, I went down this road and someone who shall remain nameless wrote me a very unforch email suggesting I couldn't stand to let Christians be Christians and wanted the world Jewish. Which is not only hilarious but extremely stupid. Anyone who knows me knows that I love to see anyone doing something they find meaningful. I'm not saying that in your home or to your friends that it's a bad move to say Merry Christmas. By all means. But a store clerk telling me Merry Christmas feels weird and marginalizing and alien to me, like being wished Happy Birthday on the wrong day or something.

I want everyone to celebrate the shit out of whatever they want to celebrate. I really do. I love winter and twinkly lights and people getting together and having fun and all of that. It just seems like it's no extra effort in retail settings to just say something that lets customers know we're all welcome the same. That's all. I'm not anti-Christmas at all. What I am is anti-exclusion and anti-ethnocentrism. That's it. I understand that it might be painful or upsetting to feel like a holiday is getting skimmed over or secularized, or that by not using the word Christmas, the meaning seems lesser. I can dig that. I really can. But, i think it comes down to a matter of making everyone feel included and valuable. It's one extra syllable or effort and it makes a huge difference. I promise you it does.

"AND IF YOU LIKE YOU CAN BUY THE RING"

Word. I am blogging via BlackBerry again, heading at the moment towards the Iowa border to make it to Omaha this evenng for a wedding tomorrow. I have a little lunchbag packed with ToFurkey sandwiches on toast so I don't have to hunt for vegetarian fare in Iowa. Which is never a great idea, unless you really like iceberg lettuce and fries or are in Iowa City.

How was Thanksgiving? Mine was lovely. PNC281, Irish Ho and I served up some dinner and dished up to-go boxes at the community kitchen. We met a guy named Jim from Rome and he and I bonded over bemoaning the American breadmaking industry. Some of the same volunteers were there from last year, as were some patrons. I just love my Thanksgiving tradition.

Okay, back to the road. More later, dolls.

"A RUSH AND A PUSH AND THE LAND IS OURS"

Happy Halloween, my dears! (Why didn't anyone tell me Elvira was looking for a replacement? I wouldda done that!)

"THEN I'LL TELL YOU THE STORY OF MY LIFE"

Stop! Click! Hook sistahs up then check out Stirred to Action, a pomegranate booze thing that donates to the Young Survival Coalition with each purchase. We've only got a day and a half left of Breast Cancer Awareness month, and that hopefully means that all month you've gotten in the habit of clicking sites that you'll click all year and that you've maybe stumbled upon a few new organizations to support all year and that maybe you've gotten a system worked out to remind yourself (or a rack you love) to stay on top of mammography and self-exams.

Now.

What does it mean when a fictionista suddenly starts pouring poetry? I don't know anything about poetry. But, I'm writing this free-form stuff today and I think that's what it is. Poetry.

Of course, my first thought was, fuck it, go with it, send it out. But, then I realized I have a sense of confidence with fiction and essays-- I feel good and un-intimidated about sending it out because I don't think it sucks, and I feel like I know what I'm doing. But, as soon as I thought to send it out, I realized I don't have the lit-sack with poetry that I have otherwise. Hmm. I'll just keep catching it with pens as it comes out. I like what I'm writing. It sounds good. It feels good to write it. So, I'll just keep writing it.

What are you kids doing for Halloween? I think this might be the first year evah that I'm going costume-less. In my life, I've costumed myself (or been costumed as) a witch (no offense to my wiccan readers-- I was six, in my defense, and had no idea), a mouse (x3), Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, a bad Jewish stereotype, a nerd (x2), sleepy, an I-Don't-Care-Bear (I was Junkie Bear), an old French whore, sleepy, a cat, Rosie the Riveter, Madonna (circa Blonde Ambition tour), Bride of Frankenstein (x3, one of my faves evah), a vampire (x2), whitetrash, June Cleaver, a Girl Scout gone bad, a brownie Girl Scout, a chef, a butterfly, a "wizardess princess" (alsoshutup! I was five!), and a ballerina. And probably a few others I've forgotten about. I'm just not feeling it this year. I don't know if I'll get any trick or treaters, but I'm feeling good about staying in, chillin' out, making a nice dinner and watching something spooky. That sounds perfect.

"IS IT STRANGE TO DANCE SO SOON?"

So busy. I owe at least eight of you a phone call or an email and I've got you all on my list. With some holidays this week, and a big project, it's been a little hectic, but I'm managing, bien sur. Last night was a piss and a half at Simchat Torah, one of two nights synagogues break out a lot of booze, a lot of celebrating, and a lot of dancing the horah in the street, to the delight and (usually) terror of passersby. (I love this dance. I'm often the jackass who gets it going.)

Anyway, gotta crank out a bunch of stuff, but before I go...

All month:
Show the love for free at The Breast Cancer Site! Then, don't be shy-- donate to support my fundraising efforts for the Making Strides event.

And for today's shopping links: You know it, you love it, and right now every purchase of Clinique's Dramatically Different Moisturizing Lotion gives $10 to The Breast Cancer Research Fund and this awesome pink sports watch benefits Komen. Oh, and M&M's have gone pink for Komen, too!

An speaking of pink, guess who is blowing through town tonight? Why none other than Captain Fuschia, of course.

"THERE IS A LIGHT THAT NEVER GOES OUT"

My Jewcy post is up, of course, a little mish-mash about Yom Kippur and tonight's Kol Nidre. Kol Nidre (pronounced just like it looks "Coal need-ray" or "Coal nid-ray"), is so wonderful, in my very humble opinion. So beautiful and blinky to me. Anyway, speaking of Jewcy, I want all of youse to click over to Madam Tamar Fox's post about being pro-active about your health.

Speaking of, you guys are wicked awesome for many reasons, but especially because we've hit the fundraising goal again for the Making Strides event in October. To recap: I set it a a grand and we knocked that hist out in like three days (blam!), so I set it at $1,100, and we knocked it out (blam!), so I hiked it another $50 and (blam!) we're up to $1,181. So, I'm going to make a big leap and jack it up to $2,500. We are so close! I know there are so many causes out there worthy of support, but if you have a buck or two and you are feeling generous enough to give to this cause, I'd be so very grateful.

The Comcast Digital Voice commercial with the line "Sorry Roger, you tiger now!" is unendingly funny to me.

Anyway, I need to get myself spiffed up for tonight. Talk to youse later.

"HOW I LOVE ALL OF THE VERY SIMPLE THINGS OF LIFE"

Hi.

Rosh HaShanah services were great; I enjoy how cool and socially-responsible/eco-minded/"kindness-really-matters" my rabbi is. The shofar, well, group of them actually, sounded great; I welled-up. Tashlich was great; I took off my shoes and wiggled my toes on the beach sand. The social at Leah's after was great; I drank a lot of coffee and laughed very hard and talked to very nice people. Mermaidhead and hubby had the bris for wee Neptune tonight; I welled up. Going to Omaha in the morning, it'll be great.

"IF THERE'S SOMETHING YOU'D LIKE TO TRY"

Shanah Tovah, how are we all doing this fine evening? I had many adventures today. Let's make a list. I like lists.

• Writing: My Jewcy post went up about security and hate crime. I thank all of youse for the lovely emails that have come in about my post from a couple of days ago explaining some details about the holiday.
  
• Circumcision: I got a crash course in infant kippot as the bris for Neptune is tomorrow afternoon and finding a kippah for a 4.9 lb. baby is quite an adventure.
• Cars: What started out as an oil change and a fuel injector cleaning fluid quest ended with, yes an oil change and fuel injector cleaning fluid, but also in four new tires.
  
• Wax/Fetuses: My eyebrow wax lady produced a magazine for me in Vietnamese that showed Chinese families boiling female fetuses and plunking them into placenta soups for men to eat for increased virility.
  
• Bread/Blisters: I got a big, delicious sample of Leah's freshly baked challah when I brought by some apples for her afternoon social thing tomorrow, but only after she gave me Band-Aids for the blisters on my heel because I walked from the tire place to her condo, and these places are not so close together, and did so in shoes I did not expect to walk so far in.
• Rosh HaShanah: Post-car stuff, I didn't get my act together in time for any Rosh HaShanah festivities tonight, but I'll be there in the morning. Tonight feels autumney and cozy and introspective and just perfect for the occasion. I just love Rosh to bits. I'm so excited for the Shofar in the morning. My rabbi can play the shit out of a shofar. For the 411 on a shofar, please watch the worst cheesiest video ever. How coked out funny is that kid? Speaking of the shofar, it has come to my attention that some speaking-in-tongues fundamentalists have started using them in connection with "feeling the spirit" type events and they get played all cheesebag super-serious and more like French horn. This, of course, makes me a little iddly. See dull-ass creep-out co-opting here and completely creepy hoedown shouting about Jesus here. (Not that there is anything wrong with having JC as your homeboy) Please note, this is not what happens in a synagogue. I would die! It's more like this, but indoors and with this kind of milling-around chaos and less shrieking.
  
• Shofar/Angry Cat: If you would like to irritate the shit out of your cat, sit around watching shofar clips on YouTube.
• Media: I mastered sending pics to Flickr from my Blackberry and I am glad.

"DISPLAYING YOUR NAME"

As promised, here is my latest on Jewcy about explaining Jew Stuff to non-Jews when asked.

"I KEEP MINE HIDDEN"

I sometimes am hesitant to link to jewy things here because, you know how it is, everyone has their own reasons for finding meaning in anything and none of us can speak for anyone but ourselves. So, when I link to something, to provide explanation of some kind to you, my dear readers, I really try to link carefully because there are so many, many, many explanations online and every explanation offered up is, you know, right and okay and valid if someone finds meaning in it. So, I try to find a general, straightforward, no-frills, somewhat journalistic explanation and link to that (Which, let me tell you, is harder than it might look.) and figure that if anyone wants my two cents, for whatever reason, they'll ask. Just had to say that.

That said, dude, I totally almost spaced out on Tisha B'Av (The most continuously unforch of days) but managed to salvage it at the last second. Oops. Anyway, to my fellow Heebs and Heebettes, I hope you're having an easy and meaningful fast, if that is your bag and you are fasting today, or having a meaningful experience, however and whatever parts you observe. And, hello, you know I'm always pleased about a clean-the-house holiday. (Old custom to clean your house on the afternoon of Tisha B'Av. Long story. Just take my word for it.)

Anyway, how are all of you? Gosh, I've been a little busy lately (see previous paragraph), but it's all very good stuff that I've been up to. A couple of new gigs, a new direction for a project or two. I still feel like I don't have much to say after that not having breast cancer thing but who knows why really. Things just seem so good and kvetching seems petty lately. When I'm saying I don't have much that needs reporting, I mean it. No news is really fucking great news, folks. That's for sure. This very smooth sailing, no-drama, healthy living, smiley, easy-going shit is the best.

But, I was wondering earlier today about how hard it must suck to have the job of wearing the mascoty, animaley suits at theme parks because I overheard a woman talking about a recent trip to Disneyworld. Yeah, I think it probably would suck pretty hard.

Oh, and I did see a dude today wearing white glasses. White glasses. Yeah. Unforch.

"NOW, TODAY, TOMORROW"

Happy 4J, darlings. Be safe.

"GLAMOUROUS GLUE"

Wishing my Easter-celebratin' friends a Peep-filled day!

"STRETCH OUT AND WAIT"

Purim was a blast. Irish Ho and I sipped, stayed for the whole Megillah, shook our groggers, howled to see the rabbis in drag as they did a mock American Idol thing as the Dreamgirls (oy-- and I understand this morning that several rabbis around town did this same theme! What's with all the drag? I love it!). We didn't costume ourselves, but entirely enjoyed the swarm of costumed kiddies around us. The little girl dressed as a bat who I made mention of last year was there again last night, this year as Superwoman. What a swell kid! Especially when she snuck up behind us last night and clobbered us both on the head with her inflate-a-bats, giggle-shrieking at her own cleverness. Too cute.

Anyway, today everyone I know is either very sick, very hungover from last night, very out of town, has probably already had their fill of me for the week, will probably have their fill of me in the coming week, or busy preparing for a simcha, so I am taking myself on a brain date. First stop The Field Museum to gawk at the Gregor Mendel genetics exhibit, then to a nice lunch, then to the bookstore. Now, that is my kind of day.

Later skaters.

PS-You know the lapel pin contest is still open. Nobody has coughed up correct answers. What gives? Here I am dying to give you guys so much loot and I can't get any takers. Sheesh.

"HONEYPIE, WE'RE NOT SAFE HERE"

Chag Sameach! It's Purim!

After much debate between going to the big shul's Purim boozefest or the little shul's Drag King-as-Queen Esther hoedown, it looks like Irish Ho and I will be heading to the big shul's boozefest. Irish Ho is a super pal and always sticks close for the Jewy holidays and does them up right, so I sometimes give her the Honorary Member of the Tribe title. I've busted out Shabbat candles and Chanukah candles in front of her so many times, she practically knows the brachot in her little Catholic heart. Anyway, Irish Ho wants to help do it up for Purim, so I decided to give her the full experience at the big shul. I mean, last year was pretty delightful at this synagogue, so what the plop, eh?

I don't half-ass the Megillah reading, either. Nope, I fix a cocktail, get my gragger ready to roll and sit my ass down for the long haul. Tonight likely won't be nearly as lively as this dude's Purim party, but it'll still be a hoot.

If you're up for a little read, this is an interesting feminist take on the whole mess tonight.

Oh, and speaking of fabulous ladies, head over and say hello at Yo Yenta's place and read her Purim post. I laughed, I gasped, I laughed some more!

"REEL AROUND THE SHOWER, VOLUME II & MIXED UP 17"

Morning, sunshines. I spoke to my landlady last night, as there was still no sign of water. She's swinging by this afternoon to give things a look, as this morning I had a dome of water pushing up through my bathtub drain. I did the teakettle-and-pots-of-boiling-water-pioneer-bath again, and although it got me nice and clean, it did little to melt the ice. Oh, and my bathroom sink only has cold water available. A plumber is coming in the morning, because, as I'm sure you can imagine, scaring up a plumber on any Sunday, much less Superbowl Sunday is just not terribly easy. Ah well. I am well-scrubbed for today. I'll be cool until tomorrow morning.

Anyway...

I wrote this great post for you last night, then lost it and was on my way out the door so I didn't get a chance to rewrite it. Then, I came in from the windchill of twenty-five below evening and was too cold and tired to do much of anything but crawl under my covers and go right to sleep.

So, let's start over. That post must not have been meant to see the light of day, anyway. So, let me again welcome you to another edition of "If It Could Only Still Be Socially Acceptable To Make A Mix Tape, This Is What I Would Put On One This Week" Saturday, only a day late. No big deal. This week, since my city, heck, my region, is so consumed with sports fever, I decided to make this week's playlist a list of songs I would want played in sporting venue twer I a pro athlete.

1. Pio Mentirosa/Afro-Cuban All-Stars
2. Rock Lobster/B52's
3. Sunday Bloody Sunday/U2
4. Sabotage/The Beastie Boys
5. ANA NG/They Might Be Giants
6. First It Giveth/Queens of The Stone Age
7. The Druken Jew/Firewater
8. Nothing Achieving/The Police**
9. Machete/Moby
10. There Goes my Gun/Pixies
11. Trip Away/Jane's Addiction
12. Heights/Matisyahu
13. Black Friday Rule/Flogging Molly
14. Amy/Elton John
15. Bigmouth Strikes Again/Morrissey

(**The Police have announced they are doing a reunion tour this summer. Be still my heart! I still have a little lapel pin that my aunt (Z"L, of blessed memory) brought me back from a Police show in the early 80s. How can I not go?)

So, I went to a wonderful Tu B'Shevat seder last night. The High Holidays are my favorite, but I must admit that I like Tu B'Shevat a lot when it's done up. It's all environmental warm-fuzzies. What's not to like?

Oh, and although I feel perfectly fine, I sound raspy today. WTF? What? Is my throat frozen too? Anyway, I have a bunch of stuff that must be done before tomorrow morning, so I'm out.