"YOU JUST HAVEN'T EARNED IT YET, BABY"

I just hopped on to wish Rational Leftist Yom Huledet Sameach/Happy Birthday and as I started digging through the news to say something like "not only do we celebrate Retardation Awareness Day, but we also can wish Rational Leftist..." I realized that, dude! Evil Kinevel has died. Just now. Evil Kinevel. Dead. On Rational Leftist's birthday. Well, anyway, go over and see him in a Mexican wrestling mask, glasses and a kippah and wish him a happy day.

Well, my head is spinning with wrestling masks, and Evil Kinevel now. Oy vey, what can I possibly add?

The editing has started on Katie Schwartz's manuscript. She delivered it unto me, and I got right down to biznass on it. How excited are you for her book to come out? Well, you can't possibly be more excited that I am, but you should be pretty excited. Because it's going to rule.

Strangely, I am confined-ish to my apartment and rather glad. You see, the tale goes something like this. Tuesday morning, I took my car to the dealership to get it serviced and to address a tiny little issue. I don't let myself get ripped off by mechanics, so I usually go to them, but this was a recurring thing and I wanted it fixed for good with the right parts and blah blah. Howevah, my 50,000-mile warranty just, just, just expired so naturally the car falls to shit. Anyway. Through the course of the week, it has been determined that the source of this minor issue was one of those "the foot bone's connected to the leg bone, the leg bone's connected to the... rebuilding of the whole fucking engine" sort of deals, so blah blah, I balked at the original total and have arrived at a more mutually agreeable total. And by "balked" I mean of course, "put on gloves, cracked my knuckles, sneered like Billy Idol, and put on my razzle dazzle negotiating shoes and got some shit worked out." Anyway, when the poor service rep called the tell me it would be Monday before the shit was all finished, and after I'd given him my reasons he'd have to come up with a better total plus some good perks, I realized I'm home and carless all weekend.

And, instead of being pissed like I assumed I would, and instead of renting one, I was thrilled and relieved. It means I can hit my deadline this weekend without ahhj. It means uninterrupted catch-up. It means I can plow through all that's on my plate and emerge re-organized and on top of the game again. And that is my favorite feeling evah.

Plus, tonight's high temperature is going to be 23 degrees, tomorrow there is a winter storm watch with a high of 32, and Sunday a low of 18 degrees. So, you know what? I don't want to leave my digs anyhow.

"IF THERE'S SOMETHING YOU'D LIKE TO TRY"

Shanah Tovah, how are we all doing this fine evening? I had many adventures today. Let's make a list. I like lists.

• Writing: My Jewcy post went up about security and hate crime. I thank all of youse for the lovely emails that have come in about my post from a couple of days ago explaining some details about the holiday.
  
• Circumcision: I got a crash course in infant kippot as the bris for Neptune is tomorrow afternoon and finding a kippah for a 4.9 lb. baby is quite an adventure.
• Cars: What started out as an oil change and a fuel injector cleaning fluid quest ended with, yes an oil change and fuel injector cleaning fluid, but also in four new tires.
  
• Wax/Fetuses: My eyebrow wax lady produced a magazine for me in Vietnamese that showed Chinese families boiling female fetuses and plunking them into placenta soups for men to eat for increased virility.
  
• Bread/Blisters: I got a big, delicious sample of Leah's freshly baked challah when I brought by some apples for her afternoon social thing tomorrow, but only after she gave me Band-Aids for the blisters on my heel because I walked from the tire place to her condo, and these places are not so close together, and did so in shoes I did not expect to walk so far in.
• Rosh HaShanah: Post-car stuff, I didn't get my act together in time for any Rosh HaShanah festivities tonight, but I'll be there in the morning. Tonight feels autumney and cozy and introspective and just perfect for the occasion. I just love Rosh to bits. I'm so excited for the Shofar in the morning. My rabbi can play the shit out of a shofar. For the 411 on a shofar, please watch the worst cheesiest video ever. How coked out funny is that kid? Speaking of the shofar, it has come to my attention that some speaking-in-tongues fundamentalists have started using them in connection with "feeling the spirit" type events and they get played all cheesebag super-serious and more like French horn. This, of course, makes me a little iddly. See dull-ass creep-out co-opting here and completely creepy hoedown shouting about Jesus here. (Not that there is anything wrong with having JC as your homeboy) Please note, this is not what happens in a synagogue. I would die! It's more like this, but indoors and with this kind of milling-around chaos and less shrieking.
  
• Shofar/Angry Cat: If you would like to irritate the shit out of your cat, sit around watching shofar clips on YouTube.
• Media: I mastered sending pics to Flickr from my Blackberry and I am glad.

"ACCEPT YOURSELF"

Shalom, I cut bangs. I like them. They sort of force me to not be so fussy about my hair. And, they look a little bit rockabilly, which, doy, I like very much. Not baby bangs, just bangs, long, floppy bangs, but they're awesome.

Speaking of awesome, the black and chrome Mini I lust after is parked across the street. Who are you and may I please have your car? What? You can have my car. That would totally be fair. Ohh, speaking of cars, not next weekend but next, when I head to Omaha for the (Downtown) Omaha Lit Fest, (gosh,ilovethatwebsite) I'll have company this time. Jami Attenberg is flying to Chicago then driving out with me. Won't that be a fun time? If our Omaha mojo continues, it's bound to be an adventure-- remember the semi-barfight she and I got into last year the night before the lit fest? (Her take on it--- I always forget about the sweet couple that helped dispose of the ne'er-do-well.) Yeah. Oh, and the night we arrive, I'm doing the Omaha edition of Jonathan Messinger's delightful Dollar Store Show. Same piece I did in June, complete with drill sgt. and fratboy impersonations by yours truly.

Going to see Mermaidhead after I do a cuppla things. She's counting the days. If all goes as planned (and g-d forbid it should not, kaynahorah, puh puh puh) we'll all get welcome little Neptune into the world next week.