"ANYTHING IS HARD TO FIND"

So, here's what I'm asking. If you have a book out, if you have a magazine, something like that, I'd like for you to destroy it a copy of it. Then, I'd like for you to turn those pieces into a piece of art and donate it to me to auction off at Pilcrow Lit Fest on May 24th to benefit New Orleans Public Libraries. Decoupage it onto something. Make a sculpture. Make a mobile. Carefully take it apart and put the pages back randomly. Anything you want as long as it's legal. I'm going to do it with a copy of Three Fallen Women. You don't even have to be a participating author or publisher, you just have to be willing to reconfigure your own book, get it to me, and let a stranger buy it. Want to? Fun, right? Just email me and let me know so I can make a spot for your art that night. I don't have a ton of spots at the venue, so the first people I hear from will be the people I'll hold spots for. It'll be swell. I promise.

"SING YOUR LIFE"

Hello, dears. How was your day? Oh? Sorry to hear that. Mine? Oh, well, thanks for asking. Well, you know. Odds and ends. This and that. Oh, sure, I'd love a glass. That's nice of you. Thanks.

That was weird. Sorry.

I've managed a lot of weird injuries in my life (big scar on my leg from an iron burn, foot arch pinned to a curb by a bicycle pedal, busted lip from a snowball fight, a piece of tile cut my ear, a doorbell cut my head, accidentally hit in the bad knee with a crowbar, broken molar from plain chocolate ice cream, etc.) and gotten banged up rather nicely in a big car accident, and I like to build and play with my powertools, and I've snowboarded and wiped out on my face, and I run and I've wiped out and slid across an intersection on my belly, but not until today have I ever cut an elbow open and it was weird. Maybe the weirdest cut I've ever had. I banged it on a heavy metal banister (stupid industrial decor!) corner and the thing just busted right open and man, oh man, it was gross and I kept wiping blood all over the place. And you guys know how I feel about blood.

So, guess what you get to read in about ten days? A preview of my new novel! Good ol' Rob McEvily over at Six Sentences was kind enough to agree to run six sentences from the first chapter. I'm excited to show all of youse. I hope you like it. It's very different form Three Fallen Women.

Let's see, what on earth else? Things are going swimmingly over at Jewcy, where I moved from guest to resident, which is very exciting. Five days a week, folks, get your hippie-Jewy freak-on with yours truly. Like today, par example, I wrote a little post about Jewish Book Month and the Celebration of Jewish Books, the (excuse me for saying so) alarmingly large book festival descending upon Los Angeles next week. No love for the indies, but when the broham decided to make a book fest, he wanted it big and he did it so good for him.

Does someone want o let me use their film equipment? I think I could make a pretty film. Motels, cigarettes, disheveledness, fuckedupedness, danger, nighttime, running, shitty cars, a roadtrip. It'd be great!

"NEWS ON THE RADIO HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY"

Good morning! Here at Bigmouth, two very important birthdays are the haps!

First, PNC281, who doesn't blog anymore but should, who makes the world better just by being, who is the greatest at snarking at fashion victims/reality television evah, who I just love to fucking bits, is celebrating a rather important birthday today. (Happy Birthday!)

And a year ago today, Three Fallen Women became available on Amazon, thus officially being released into the world. I suppose you could celebrate in style and go score a copy. Don't let me stop you. Har.

This morning, I'm heading out to record some audio clippage of aforementioned novel to bombard youse with and force you to make viral and download as a PodCast and all of that other sort of stuff one can do with an audio clip that I shall be learning how to do shortly. I woke up early this morning, well, my cat woke me up early wanting cat food, and I stayed awake thinking about projects and odds and ends and this deadline and that one and that sort of thing and finally just decided to get up. You know how it is. But anyway, that said, I need to dash. But, before I do:

For the daily dose (all month long!) of boobage that I've promised all of youse, click here to donate to my Making Strides Against Breast Cancer participation, click here to help fund mammography for women in need (totally free to you!) and check out these easy ways to support breast cancer research with stuff you might be planning to buy anyway: Origins (very fabulous) Make a Difference rejuvenating hand treatment has gone pink and Fretzels has whipped up a super-delicious special pink box of their awesome chocolate-covered pretzels. And, this year, I finally got the guts to participate in the Blogger Boobie-thon. I have two pics. Neither are posted yet. You won't be able to ever, ever tell which two racks are mine, but feel free to puzzle over it. I mean, hey, if you're gonna whip off your top for the entire online world to see, you might as well do it for a great cause (and anonymously, ha!).

"ASK ME, UH-HO-HO, ASK ME"

You know I loves me some Six Sentences, and you know I think that 6S's honcho-mastermind, Rob McEvily, not only has an awesome name (Like evil as an adverb!) and is a great writer, but I also think he is just an all around swell, friendly, kind dude.

However!

I have just been enlightened by someone named Rion about another micro-fiction site, and I see myself becoming a fan of it as well. (Hear that, McEvily? I said "as well", meaning, also. So, fear not. I can't quit you! Har.)

Behold! Raincoat Flashers. Look at the pictures, write micro-flash-fiction in the comments section. Done and done. Such a great idea, no?

I have no shame, and in the interest of putting something up asap, I totally cheated and put up an excerpt from Three Fallen Women. Interestingly, it is my least favorite excerpt, but I promise I'll post fresher, unattached material shortly.

"FIVE SECONDS TO SPARE"

1. Back from Disco Wisco, rested and happy.

2. Ben Tanzer is a nice boy. Read what he wrote about my Three Fallen Women.

3. Come out to The Fixx Reading Series on Thursday night and meet Wendy McClure and Adam Levin. Get the scoop, links, directions by clicking here.

"I WAS HAPPY TO STAY"

Well, Einstein had a fun night.


The reading went wonderfully! Tim Walker read beforehand, and I was immediately struck by how similarly he and I write about the world and details around us. We talked about this a bit later, but I am getting ahead of myself.


Walker started, I finished, our work read well together. Neil (of diner fame-- see previous post) brought incredible food, so many people showed up (many of whom I'd met around town in the day leading up to the reading), people bought books, people laughed and seemed to be into things. It was perfect. I'm so happy.



I'd read here again anytime they'd have me. I really like the good, creative energy in the Arcadia Project building (the record store/coffeehouse/gallery space, etc.).

Anyway... after, we stopped by LopLop, for a quick sip (I love this bar) then I hit the hay while the crew hung out on the roof of the AP playing guitars and singing until the storm blew through in the middle of the night.

Overheard in Canada:

"Jeez, that jacket is so Paula Poundstone, eh?"

"Naw, they were doing, like, Slayeroke. It was all only Slayer songs! Anyway, I sang Rain and Blood, yeah."

"I'm not gonna say we broke up because she loves The Eagles, but, uh... yeah I think we broke up because she loves The Eagles."

"So there I was in Vancouver, right?, and I walk up to this CityWorks truck and there's this big burly guy, a worker, in the truck, and he's fucken listening to Material Girl so loud."

"Man, fuck that zoo. That's not even a zoo! They've got like two goats and a wolf!"

"I WILL SEE YOU IN FAR OFF PLACES"

So, it's 4:30am-ish, and I think I'm about set for Canada. Bag packed, apartment clean, passport set out where I can't forget it, yadda yadda. It'll be a fun time. Had a good weekend, and would again like to present a single-sentence stream-of-consciousness bit summing up my weekend:

errand, errand, Serbian laundry freakout, store's closed, brainstorm, can't cook I'll melt, Live Earth, fuckyouRichieSambora, timeline, 3 months, 5 months, Dukes of Hazard, passport, passport?, passport, passport?!?, passport, iddly-wonky, calm, okay, good, sleep, sleep, sleep, cat, wake, stupid Flanders cat, sleep, grapes, pack, can't cook I'll melt, must cook I'll wither, cooking leftovers, stupid rice, water, tea, melting, back to AC, melting, hot feet, meowy cat, restaurant reviews, eyeroll, sleep or nap or something, 3am get in gear

Now that I'm up, I think I want to sleep more. Oh, decisions. Sleep a little more and have to wait and hang out and get a late start to avoid Chicago rush hour, or suck it up and leave in the next two hours before rush hours starts. Hmm. Knowing me, I'll suck it up, but we shall see. (Update: I dicked around my apartment for so long trying to get it all together before sleeping a little more, that I think I need to suck it up and get going.)

Anyway. I'll blog from my travels, as per usual. I haven't been to Canada in a long time, so I'm excited to go again. Last time I was there, I went to Montreal and Quebec City, two other places I really love.

Remember, my dear Canadian (and Canadian border-near) readers, here is the scoop on my reading in Sault St. Marie. C'mon out, or send folks in your place. You know I like butts in seats for the readings. Er, I mean, an audience of smiling faces.

And... while I'm heading that direction, you can show a little love, if you like, to my hosts Uppercase Books and good ol' Bacon Bits and Midget Parts' Al Bjornaa. (Ohh, and check out a little blurb about them here).

"BARBARISM BEGINS AT HOME"

For any of you who have read or glanced through my Three Fallen Women, you know there is this cool layout thing with dots that happens throughout the book, no? Yes. Well, the man responsible for that is David Barringer, a staggeringly talented individual, who has a wonderful, new novel out from my beloved So New Publishing called American Home Life, that you should, of course, purchase, discuss, claim on Shelfari, LibraryThing and GoodReads.

(Update: No update. Back still thrown out. Buh!)

"YOU'RE GONNA NEED SOMEONE ON YOUR SIDE"

Tomorrow night I have the pleasure of reading with Timothy Schaffert at The Fixx at 7:30pm. C'mon out. Just hop the brown, red or purple line to the Belmont stop and head south on Sheffield a few blocks. Just south of Matilda's. Easy-peasy. See all of you there!

"STOP ME IF YOU THINK THAT YOU'VE HEARD THIS ONE BEFORE"

Morrissey was wonderful, as always. He did a delightfully weird yoga bridge pose dance, he whipped the mic cord, he ripped off his shirt, he sang his little heart out, he smiled graciously to all parties involved when a burgundy shirt-clad fellow hopped up on stage and got pounced on by security, he sang all the songs I hoped he would, he generally, fucking rocked.

I gave business cards to the two men sitting in front of me, as I was able to see them both sneaking fantastic photos the whole show. I gave an honest plea for an emailed photo or two. If they email, I'll share if it's okay with them. Let's hope. C'mon, guys. I'll blog about your band/book/office/whatever and send you as many customers/sales as I can. Pleasepleaseplease. Hook a Morrissey-lovin' sister up.

Anyway, the show was wonderful. He played "You're Gonna Need Someone On Your Side", which I was thrilled to hear. I, yet again, nearly cried during "Everyday Is Like Sunday".

I'm only in Indy for the night, then I'm heading back to Chicago in the morning and hitting the ground running with a very busy day. If you're nearby, come say hello on Tuesday night as I read from Three Fallen Women at The Fixx with Timothy Schaffert as he reads from his new release, Devils In The Sugar Shop at 7:30pm.

"ACCEPT YOURSELF"

Last night, I had a dream that I was returning to work at a mountain resort hotel that I had, apparently, worked in a couple of years ago. I came back as a manager of some kind, but was relying of old employees (who I was now supervising) to show me some ropes again.

Then, I went to the ladies' room and was looking into this huge ornate mirror and realized I had huge black hairs growing out of my chin before my very eyes, only they were making noise as they grew. I pickup up a tweezer on the vanity counter and plucked them, immediately stopping the noise from each as I pulled it out. Once they were plucked, I could remember everything about the way things were done at this resort and was brimming over with ideas on how to implement progress.

Surely an auspicious dream, no? Surely a dream of action? A call to step it up?

I woke up with my kitty sleeping in a ball on my hip. It is good to be in my apartment with my kitty, that's for sure.

In just a bit, however, I am heading back out. One more trip then I don't travel again until July when I go to Canada. This afternoon, I have a little bit of biznass to attend to in Indianapolis, and to my great delight...



...Morrissey is giving a show in Indianapolis tonight, as well, which I am obviously going to attend. So, I'm doing a little work and then having a little fun. As it should be.

"I DON'T MIND"

My brother is so talented with a camera. He made me look like a rockstar.

The reading last night at Sixth Street Live could not have possibly gone any better. The crowd came, a dear old friend gave me an introduction that brought tears to my eyes, we laughed, I read, we chatted, I sold many books, I had a great night. Last night earned the "favorite reading ever" title. For sure. Without a doubt.

In fact, I'm still kind of at a loss for words. Just a wonderful, gratifying, meaningful experience. Absolutely.

"MIXED UP"

I am now in north/central Texas. This trip, thus far, has been a really great one. I have a lot to share about Austin, my reading last night and my trek north today, but I'll have to do that a little later. After dinner with my brother and few cocktails, I'm fading.

For now, I offer this. Today, I heard three Amy-songs on the radio as I was driving. So, I consulted iTunes and realized there are far more. Behold!

Best Songs Containing The Name Amy
(Okay, Okay Probably ALL of the Songs Containing The Name Amy)

Once in Love With Amy/Frank Sinatra
Amy, Amy, Amy/Amy Winehouse
Amie/Pure Prairie League
Amy/Elton John
Miami, My Amy/Keith Whitley
Amy's Song/Switchfoot
Amy/Ryan Adams
Amy Hit The Atmosphere/Counting Crows
Amy/River City High
Amy, Tell Me Why/Track Star
Amy/Billy Redfield
Dear Amy/Quench
Amy/Richard Julian
She's No Amy/Ryan Turner
A Song For Amy/Jack Ingram
Amy with a Y/Concept:Bravery
Amy/Bongo Jones
Amy/Brittney Ellis
Amy, Amy/Danny Paola
Amy Fischer/Soul Coughing
Amy/The Bug
Amy/Neptune Crush
Amy Waits/Colby Logan
Amy/The Frauds
Amy/Al Jardine, Family and Friends
Amy/Kenny Blake
Amy/Bambix
Amy/Eden Automatic
Amy/The Leftovers
Amy Never Misses/A Small Victory
To Amy With Love/Joackson Rohm
Amy/Chad Bradford
Amy/Celeste Krenz
Amy/Percy Faith and his Orchestra
Amy/Model One
Amy/Threeleggeddog
Airline Amy/Weird Al Yankovic
Hello Amy/Michael Seymour
Amy/Rob Momary
Amy/Morty Shallman
Amy/Raymond and Scum
Amy/Barry Mann
Amy/Dirty Three
Amy/Riddle Me This
Amy In The White Coat/Bright Eyes
Amy/Shwa
Eligy for Amy/Pat McGee Band
Amy/Georgia Blue Dogs
Happy Birthday Amy/Ingrid DuMosch
Amy/ Polarbears
Amy/The Orphan Project
Amy/Davey Hamilton
Hey Amy/In Stereo
Amy Grant/Young Fresh Fellows
Amy/-123 Min.
Amy/Kiddo
Amy/Ralph Jeffers
Hey Amy/Firecracker
Chasing Amy/Allister
Amy/Mark Lewis Quartet

Wow. Well, I suppose Amys have been causing trouble in the lives of many a songwriter, huh? Eh well. Get your mix CDs going, eh?

Nightey-night. Zzzzzzzzzzzzz.................................

"AS I LIVE AND BREATHE"

Due to a minor but unfortunate string of events, I have changed hotels. Let's just leave it at that. What can I say? You've got to speak up when things go awry and sometimes that clears the way for wild streaks of great luck. Anyway.

I went by Bookwoman this morning and said hello-- what a cute place! Another store I adore. I picked up a cook vegetarian book and a few fun stickers for my typewriter case (and one for my friend Schwartzy because it was so "her" I couldn't not get it). So great. I'm excited for the reading. It's small in there, so I have no idea where all the crowds and crowds of people will sit tonight (har har) but it'll be great. I just know it.

Anyway, the rain pissed off, the sun is beating down on this gorgeous city, and I am off to scrounge up some lunch and see what I see. I think an old favorite place of mine still exists near here. That'd be a kick.

"EAST WEST"

Well, I made it. I got in pretty late and hit a snafu with the hotel reservation, but eventually settled in, had a little snack, thought about robbing the mini-bar of a cocktail but opted for a Sprite instead, took a shower and passed out. I woke up a bit ago and despite the crappy weather, I'm very glad to be here.

So? Who is coming out to the reading tonight here in Austin at Bookwoman?

"I WILL SEE YOU IN FAR OFF PLACES" VOL. II

Hey folks. I made it through Arkansas with the help of Jane's Addiction and Morrissey. I'm outside of Dallas now at another truckstop. This time, though, there is a television above my head instead of a speaker blaring country music, like the previous truckstop. Everyone sitting in the dining room is looking at the television, but it feels weird to see a bunch of strangers facing me as I sit below the television. Everyone is glued to the television to watch the really terrible weather coming through. Texas storms are incredible. Driving through storms is not my favorite. So, I'll check in with the blogosphere again once I get settled in my hotel in Austin. Close. Close. Close. If I can just outrun the storms a bit, all will be well.

I got a little shout-out on Austinist today about tomorrow's reading at Bookwoman. Really, if you are in Austin tomorrow, I'd love to see your smiling face. Really. Loooove it.

Anyway, I've taken some interesting photographs during my travels today. I made a stop in Hope, Arkansas (of course) because I tend to like my presidents a little bit wonky, I suppose.

"YOU'RE GONNA NEED SOMEONE ON YOUR SIDE"

My friend V. is in town, which is spectacular. I have found that to talk to V. is to be friends with V., and so he generally has friends popping up everywhere.

Anyway, we went to Steppenwolf Theatre to see Betrayal, a wonderful production starring Ian Barford, Tracy Letts and V.'s friend, Amy Morton. (You're friends? How did I not know this?) After the show, we stood and chatted with her a bit, then we found ourselves following her through a back stairwell as she called to the other actors that if they'd wait she'd give them all rides home, before sneaking us into the light/sound booth in the mainstage area to peek in on another production in-progress. She pointed out a few features of the space, such as there being tons of wing space stage right and hardly any stage left, we stood and watched the show for a few minutes, then turned to go.

After, we hit my favorite tapas place, met some new friends visiting from New Jersey, then parted ways. It is now 4:30 am and I'm off to dash him to the airport. So early. So early. But, for V., I'll do it. The rest of youse, I might have to think it over, though. (wink)

Anyway, it's just as well, since I am leaving for another big trek in few short hours. I'll blog en route. This trip, you guys, is going to be a hill of fun. I can just feel it in my bones.

"ANOTHER JOURNEY"

Texans! Are you ready for a little Guth-a-Go-Go?

5/9
Boookwoman , 7pm-ish
918 W. 12th St. (12th & Lamar)
Austin, TX

5/14
Sixth Street Live , 7pm sharp!
2736 W. 6th Street
Fort Worth, TX