Did you heard about the earthquake?? My friend Hyperbole Mel is in Peru. Oh, please, please, please be okay. Gosh, I feel badly about all those people. Everyone is, after all, somebody's Hyperbole Mel.
Sigh. Now, we wait.
UPDATE: Hyperbole Mel is alive and well. She was in a pub and skipped out, apparently. Not that I'm surprised by that at all.
Two freelance gigs, longstanding, regular, freelance gigs, folded on me today. I mean, no, they didn't fold on me, but rather they folded rather completely. On everyone involved. As in kaput. As in this gig and this gig cease to exist anymore. Nothing personal (which I don't take as such). And not connected to one another. But, that's okay. Change is in the air in the literary world, as it usually is every so often, and that just means I need to make room for new stuff. That said, it is rather unforch. But, you know me, I always cook up a plan to make things work out. I always do.
So, I'm doing what any reasonable person would. I'm getting shitfaced with my cat. Just kidding. No, I'm giving my apartment a deep cleaning and getting lost in my head for a couple of hours listening to Siouxie & The Banshees, a little David Byrne, a little Stray Cats, a little Buzzcocks, a little Bolshoi, a little Depeche Mode and a little of Korngold's Die tote Stadt and figuring out exactly what my next move is.
I was talking to my friend, Irish Ho, just today, before all of this, about the two kinds of people in the world: People who are happy; though they can be sad sometimes, and be pissed off and angry sometimes as situations come up, and they still can recognize their lives as being positive for the most part... and People who are completely unhappy. I pick "a". I really do, if you'll pardon the Pollyanna shit. I really try not to get thrown. I really try to just take things as they come and keep moving. I don't always succeed, but I try, and I guess that matters. Weird shit happens, funny shit happens, sometimes really horrible shit happens, life happens, plans derail, people flake, people die, keys get lost, jobs vanish overnight and sometimes it feels like we're struggling just to float through the day and it's always something. But, it's usually okay, even when it's not.
So, we'll see what's around the bend, huh?
In the meantime, duck and weave, Guth, duck and weave.
How I Install a Window Unit Air-Conditioner
1. I avoid this for as long as possible, because it is an enormous pain in my ass. We, the people, barely need AC in Chicago, but when we need it, we really need it. Last night was that night, the night I tossed and turned in bed, too warm, and finally finding sleep by yanking all the sheets and blankets off the bed, onto the floor and flopping down in the middle of the bed spread-eagle.
2. When the weather turns chilly, the AC gets stashed in the corner of my closet. Every year when I scoot it back there, I try to do so without moving my bamboo shoe rack and every year I said, "Damnit, this fucking thing! If it was two inches shorter, I'd be fine!" before backing the heavy AC up into the bedroom and dragging the shoe rack out into the room, knocking every organized shoe over, off and otherwise into a state that will require reorganization. So, naturally, you'd assume Id remember this when it comes to bringing the AC out in the warmer months. But, I do not. Instead, I scoot the bamboo shoe rack over, yank on the AC, get it stuck in the closet doorway, say, "Damnit, this fucking thing! If it was two inches shorter, I'd be fine!" then scoot it back, yank the shoe rack out into the room, knocking every organized shoe over, off and otherwise into a state that will require reorganization. Sigh.
3. That was a lot, so I abandon the project for the moment and go make breakfast and coffee. I slip in and out of my bedroom doorway with pumpernickel bagel in hand, look at the foot and a half that I was able to scoot the AC, look at the fifteen feet that I must drag it to have the privilege of hoisting it into the window, audibly scoff, shake my head, walk back to the kitchen. At the kitchen table, I scroll through my phone address book, checking the list to try to jog my memory as to whether or not anyone owes me a favor. Then, I remember I don't keep score and, pissed off, I drink my coffee and finish my bagel and avoid leaving the kitchen table.
4. I go start a blog post, such as this one, about the air conditioner, hoping it will allow me to laugh at myself and my circumstances a bit better. It does not. Sign again.
5. Return every phone call. Pay every bill. Clean the whole house. Play "get the shoelace" with the cat. Return a few overdue emails. Notice that hoisting the AC is the only thing I really procrastinate about. Consider implications of this. Leave room. Sigh.
6. Scoot AC across the bedroom floor, thinking the entire way that I shouldn't rely on it, that the human body can and does cool itself, that this is contributing to pollution and excessive use of electricity. Then, I think of last night and decide to keep scooting.
7. Finally get pissed off enough to just lift the damn thing and feel the muscles in my lower back bitch and moan and promise to be sore for days. Then, wiggle the bricks on the windowsill around to find that perfect placement, then pull the non-staying accordion sides out while holding the AC and while shutting the window on it perfectly and failing miserably at all tasks involved.
8. Get pissed off. Go blog.
9. Finally, slam window down while holding accordion sides open with my other hand and my foot. Get cramp in toe, fall onto bed where cat watched this incredulously and full of contempt.
6. Realize that I did not save the weatherstripping shit from last year and put "buy weatherstripping" on my to do list to seal the gaps that will always exist with window ACs no matter how well they are measured and installed.
7. Push on installed AC a little to see likelihood of cat jumping on it and falling to the sidewalk below. Look at cat, say, "Look kitty, it's safe." Cat looks at me like I'm an idiot. "You'll be glad we have this in a month! Don't look at me like that!" I say to cat. Cat plops down on bed and falls asleep, not giving a rat's ass about what I just said or the effort I just put forth to keep us cool. If I was that furry, I'd show a little gratitude, for crying out loud.
8. Plug in AC and turn it on. Cloud of dust shoots from unit into my face. Ha! Joke's on you, AC! I wear glasses! No dirt in my eyes! Ha! Fuse blows, most likely because I now have an AC window unit, a cell phone charger and a lamp plugged into one not-up-to-code "vintage" outlet.
9. Run down to the basement and flip switch to get power going again. Neighbor passes by and says, "Jesus, you okay?" and I realize I still have dust in my face. Cat screeches on back porch, furious that is "circulating fountain" water dish has stopped running with the power being out. But, I just flipped the-- shit, fuse has tripped again.
10. Run upstairs, unplug everything from vintage outlet, run downstairs, flip switch again. Run upstairs, plug cell phone charge in elsewhere. Plug everything else back in. Sit, enjoy AC for a moment. Cat approaches AC, paws at control knob, knob falls to the floor and shatters. Designate flathead screwdriver for new white trash AC operating option.
I conquered my fear of schmoozing. I can hang in front of a huge crowd. I do fine enough in tough heart-to-heart conversations. So, have I conquered it all? Nope. There is one frontier I have yet to work on, I realize. The casual hanging out conversations. The thing that schmoozing often leads to.
That's so silly, I realize! Over email and text, I'm great. But call me up just to say hello and I feel like a dork and a half. Invite me for coffee and I clam up. It's not a great quality and I suspect it frustrates people around me with the inclination to socialize more often. But, sometimes we have to get fed up with something before we can move away from it effectively.
Anyway, I had some thoughts over the weekend about this and will, of course, we mindful of it. I don't have to carry the whole conversation. I'm not a dick if I let a lull happen from time to time, in fact, sometimes a silence is rather good.
In other news, I added a little more pink to the pink, burgundy and brown masterpiece I call my hair and had a revelation about mitosis and the artful, historic and literary applications of it.
Want to hear something great? I feel focused and happy and productive today despite my plumbing being declared "repaired completely" yesterday and not having a drop of water today from my shower. I cannot believe I haven't flipped out yet. This is day eight of The Shower Situation.
...and I spent over and hour looking for my missing cell phone (I turned the volume down and settled into bed last night to read) only to discover it is just flat enough to go undetected when made up into the bed.
Sigh. Always an adventure.
But, on the upside, I will be on a coast in one week. It's not officially a "vacation", but working near warm ocean (as opposed to my beloved frozen lake) will be a welcome change for a few days.
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