Jun 11, 2007

"I DON'T MIND IF YOU FORGET ME HER"

That twit-bag bang-toy Paris Hilton is just too much. I've tried so hard not to blog about her, because that only adds to her being famous for absolutely nothing, but somethings are just too funny.

Like this article, par example. She called Barbara Walters! Collect! I mean, seriously, does she think we're buying that lame story that in a couple of days she's turned over a new leaf and that she'll actually open a home for sick children? The article says, "She thought she might get toy companies to build a kind of Paris Hilton playhouse, where sick children might come, and the toy companies could donate toys."

Sorry, lambykins, Ronald McDonald sorta has that market cornered. Maybe you could stick to things you know more about and open a whorehouse for disadvantaged youth. That'd be neat. Also, since she regularly drops two grand on a purse, maybe if she really wants to help, she could, say, fund the fucking thing herself.

Also, I like how she claims to be reading the Bible. Can you imagine? Can you imagine? It's killing me! Maybe she is confused and actually reading this bible. Poor child.

I think perhaps my favorite quote from the article is, "I haven't looked in the mirror since I got here." Will someone go get the poor girl a blue ribbon? Really. She's so pretty and she's been so brave by not looking in the mirror. Must be killing her to rob herself of one of her few remaining joys like that. I'm sure it's hard to be that pretty. And, it's cute how she calls being dumb "an act" and not say, just good ol' fashioned garden variety bratty apathetic stupidity.

Don't get me wrong, if she actually did something useful and constructive with her money besides buying Chihuahuas and doing coke, I think it would be great. But, uh, sorry, after watching this video that my BFF Schwartzy so generously posted, I'm not buying a word of her crap.

5 comments:

jewgirl said...

I am on the floor howling my fucking ass off from you: whorehouse for the disadvantaged. the tears are streaming down my face. get that girl a blue ribbon hahahahahahahha. oh, too much. too much!

ps: did you know that p-cunt does NOT have a high school diploma. she's a dropout, so how much of an act is this really?

brilliant post.

Marcus said...

Amy,

You do realize that with this blog, you have dramatically decreased your chances of ever being hired by Paris to write her biography? Is this a chance you are really willing to take?

Amy Guth said...

Whatever it takes to be blissfully exempt from ever having to write about her, Marcus. Whatever it takes.

kapgar said...

Wait, she can read? Wow. She's already blown my perception of her out of the water. Yikes. I soooo underestimated her.

Arwen said...

I just snorfled coffee (fortunately it wasn't too hot) reading this post.
I was stuck on the ORD tarmac for 3 hours last Friday (yes, I was in Chicago and yes I forgot you live there and yes I feel like a loser because I would have brought my book and stalked you until you signed it) and some guy in the plane was getting play by plays of her having to go back to jail and the media response on his cell phone (such a noble use of a cell phone, except I would be worried that Paris gossip spreads venereal disease) but the guy started making up some really funny stuff after the plane took off and the the people around him were discussing the 'Plight of Paris'. I was just trying to cover my daughter's ears as he said it. How do you explain to a 6 year what the clap is?