"GLAMOUROUS GLUE"

Due to a terrible miscommunication and some good intentions, I ended up eating some smuggled chicken stock last night, served by an aborablde Hungarian grandma who later showed her boobs. Anyway. Some vegetarians are sensitive, some are not. I am. Few things are finer than waking up in the middle of the night to shit your head off except for maybe shitting your head off while yaking in the sink. Ohhh, stop lovin' me. I know I'm a pretty little princess. Hmm! Wanna make out? Hang on. Blarghjefkndfgknfkgnkng! There. That's better. Oy. I've felt like ass all day.

The night before, I awoke to a male couple having a take-it-to-the-street domestic squabble. Apparently, Carlos came in drunk, and Ted was none too pleased and announced to the neighborhood that Carlos was a "dirty cocksucking Puerto Rican bitch", twice. Twice! So, naturally, Carlos insisted Ted a "pimple-cocked gloryhole" before stamping away, removing his shoes and hurling then at poor Ted. Ted wailed and shouted for the attention of all neighbors, as we should really be made aware that Carlos carried a fake Prada. Not that I got out of bed and watched any of this. My neighborhood is fantastic.

Man, I am so itchy for a new tattoo. I got another piercing two evenings ago and just the smell of good ol' tattoo shop disinfectant spray made me jones.... I am trying to round up a tattoo artist who will consider inking a big section of my back, near where one of my existing tattoos are, during a reading on my book tour. Like s/he and I can sit there and I'll read while s/he inks. What? Why is that weird? I think it would be marvelous.