"SISTER, YOU'RE A POET"

My friend and fellow author, Laurel Snyder, is running a fabulous contest! I've taken far too long to post my answer, because I really want to come up with a worthy idea...

The contest goes like this: I need to figure out a job for which I'd be poorly suited. Hm. There are so many directions I could go with this. I could say I'd be awful at a blood-bank or as a nurse because I positively can't stand needles. And, I think having your tech or nurse hit the deck in lieu of doing his/her job would be un-good.

But, for Laurel Snyder, I can do better!

I could say maybe butchering would be another field I'd not excel, because I love animals so much that I'd sneak them all into my house instead and name them and let them sleep in the bedroom. And, that probably wouldn't go so well, either. At the very least, my kitty would be furious! A professional whistler? I can't whistle at all, so that would never do, either. NFL cheerleader? I don't know a thing about football, and what I do know I'm not wild about. So, I imagine if I found myself cheering for a football game, I'd get it all wrong, and cheer for the wrong thing at the wrong time, done by the wrong team and just make enemies, and I don't like making enemies. I would sure not enjoy working on the floor of a stock trading sort of place because I can't stand shoutey-chaos, so I could say that. No, no, something more positive!

So, ah-ha! I think it would be very cool to be an acrobat or a magician, but I know I'd be awful! When it comes to the Houdini chain-yourself-up-and-hang-upside-down-in-a-tiny-tank-of-water stuff, I'd never be able to keep my cool. Ditto locked in a steamer trunk. And, I can't see even a foot in front of my face without my glasses, and whoever heard of an acrobat with glasses? Certainly not I, that's for sure. Plus, I'd never be able to pull rabbits out of hat, because I'd fee badly about hurting their ears. And, I'd never be able to do an of that Seigfried and Roy stuff with tigers because I would sneak the tigers out of their cages and into my house, and we already know how my cat would feel about that. Ew, and no way could I saw, or pretend to saw, anyone in half, or be sawed in half, because the theoretical "ew" factor would be too great. And, I'm a little bit afraid of fire, so the pyrotechnics would never see the light of day. So, my show would be reduced to sequins and handkerchiefs, and that's be lame, lame, lame.

And, there you have it. I, Amy Guth, would surely be the world's worst magicial/acrobat type.

What about you, dear readers? Want to try your hand at Laurel Synder's contest?