"AS I LIVE AND BREATHE"

Let me back up and explain why.

I went to the store earlier to get some Emergen-C because I started feeling a little sore throatey this afternoon. I was standing there admiring this woman's tattoo in line when a guy walks up to her who she apparently knows and they hug and she says, "Oh, you smell good. What is that? I'll but it for Alex to wear." What is the guy wearing? Afta. He is wearing Afta.

So, I laughed to myself and thought about how my Dad used to wear that shit and how it says "skin-bracing" on the bottle. Then, I thought about squeezing lemon into a cut. Then, I thought about this stuff in the 80s that was popular to slather on to newly shaved legs and how it burned like crazy, but made your legs look pretty okay once you got over the sting.

So, I had an idea, I could brace my throat! And, I enjoy the spicy food. I dump hotsauce on everything, so I thought this would be a great, great, great idea to eat something super hot to, you know, sort of cauterize my throat and make it quit being a wimp.

I got out of line and added a scotch bonnet to my cart. No biggie. I've had them before. They're hot, but doable in my book. So, I ate it just now with some steamed veggies and marinated tofu. It was the final bite. I ate the veggie and tofu, then big bite, big bite killed the pepper. Having, uh, never eaten a scotch bonnet with a rather sore throat, I feel I have made a grave mistake. Graaaave. It, uh, did not do much for my throat, aside from setting it on fire and probably irritating my throat tissue and prolonging my sore throat.

And, now here's where you call me a dumbass.