Feb 21, 2007


Hey kids. I was a far more competent tugboat crew member today. I discovered that if I stand up and keep my knees unlocked (as opposed to sitting), I rather enjoy choppy seas. All is still quite well. I'm unavoidably, yet wonderfully tanned. Much quality time is happening. I made dinner for my parents again tonight. I am slightly favoring their brand of grocery stores to my own.

I would be the rudest blogger on earth if I didn't share this little tale with you. Today, I stopped to pee at a public restroom and noticed that the sink pipes were wrapped in weatherguard. Here. On the coast. Where it is almost always 75 and sunny. Be serious! After that craziness with my shower back in Chicago last week, all I could do was laugh when I saw these extra-outfitted warm, warm, super-warm pipes.

In totally unrelated news, my mother's new favorite term is "rat fucker", which I find hilarious. I think it's a safe bet that I will probably begin using that right away. So much more descriptive that plain ol' "fucker".... no?


Eric Spitznagel said...

You really can't ask much more from a vacation than a tan and a new swear for your personal lexicon. "Rat fucker" is surprisingly addictive. I can't seem to stop saying it, even when it's in no way appropriate. ("Can I get a refill on that coffee, rat fucker?") It adds a touch of color when "fucker" just isn't enough to truly express your contempt. Your mother is a linguistic visionary.

Wings - john k said...

"Rat Fucker" ... ok, I always wanted to know more about the parents that raised the young lady who gave birth to those "Three Fallen Women" in her head.

Hmmm ... why did you have a concern about the women in FL your mother told to order your book before she read it? She appears to have as much of a luscious decadent imagination as you do!

By the way, I haven't been able to get the song "Pink Cadillac" out of my head all week after reading your blog.

Nicky said...

I'm just trying to imagine your mother sayingrat fucker. I'm having a hard time.

"jew" "girl" said...

aimes, loving your mother so hard right now. my ma's faves are bunch o' bitches and fuck stick.