Oct 10, 2006

"OUT OF MIND"

So, just now, I almost got the cops called on me at Planned Parenthood.

Let me back up.

I have cleared the re-telling of this story with the friend I am about to mention. In fact, it was her idea to blog about it. Anyway, she is newly single and overdue for an HIV test, and in the time it took for the results to come back, she worked herself into a freak-out. So, when she asked me to come with her to hear the results, just in case the test came back reactive, how could I say no? Her test was negative and we were on our way. We part ways and I am halfway home when I realize I left my cell phone at the Planned Parenthood. Shit! The business day was nearly over, so I hauled ass and sprinted back to get it. I arrived and the lights were off and the blinds were pulled over the door, but, I could see some movement and light fron the back. So, I pressed the buzzer, poked the mail slot open and shouted Hi! Open the door! I left my phone! Since I'm not, you know, a pro-life zealot and cannot access their dangerous logic, I wasn't thinking this might be perceived as a security threat. A woman, the same woman who called my friend to the back to get her HIV test results, comes running at the door, shouting that they are closed. I know! But I left my cell phone here. Please open up! To which she responded by telling she was going to call the police. Then, she pulled the blinds! There was my phone! I could see the damn thing! So, I point and shouted, again through the mail slot in the door, That's my phone! You don't have to open up, just slide it through the mail slot! and stuck my hand through the door to, i don't know, to prove that it was okay to hand it to me...? Whatever. I got another threat to call the cops. Finally, I convinced her to call my phone to prove it was mine. One more threat. Then, she calls, it rings (Oh, I wish I had a fun ringtone like "FLAVA FLAV!" or something, but it was just a provincial little bring-bring) and she cracks up. Occupational hazard, she tells me.

I can imagine.

In other news that will hopefully not lead to me being arrested, Nightmare Before Christmas in 3-D comes out October 20th! Yippie! (Never thought you'd see the word "Christmas" on this blog, did you?)

Oh wait, I just showed my nerd-side again, didn't I? Woops. Eh well. If you can't be a nerd on your own blog, where can you be?

18 comments:

jake ryan of sixteen candles fame said...

You like Nightmare Before Christmas? Please marry me. I've read every post on this blog, I stayed in town to see your beautiful reading, I walked right past you, close enough to almost touch you and now I find out that your like Nightmare Before Christmas,

PLEASE marry me. PLEASE?

Okay, we'll start with dinner?

dana the poetess said...

Take a number, dumbass.

jake ryan of sixteen candles fame said...

I found out you can order food for delivery online in Chicago. Can I send dinner to you tonight?

Amy Guth said...

Jake: Yes, I like Nightmare Before Xmas. No, I will not marry you. No, thank you, but you cannot send food to my apartment.

Dana: Glad to see you back again!

rob garban said...

Yeah, no shit. Everyone take a number. I know I have.

chloe said...

Ohh, I'll take a number, too. You're pretty.

Seems like everything blew over from the other night. Water under the bridge, baby, water under the bridge.

Amy Guth said...

Okay, okay, you guys are making me blush.

diane said...

SUCKAS!! I've been to Amy's house and listened to 80's indie rock and drank wine with her. Nyaaaaah!
On another note, this is a great, yet thoroughly distressing story.

Leah said...

Yeah. I used to have an office in the planned parenthood building in Durango. We had lots of crazy rules and ways to be careful.

Including a chained dumpster (to keep bombs out) and buzzers galore. So, quite sadly, I understand.

Wings said...

Lacking the proper forum to address your minions, I am submitting this here for your / their consideration.

Ok Amy, under the heading of “What is a socio-feminist” I consulted WikipediA (one step below God) and listed below are the classifications of feminism / feminists. (These must be right … I read it on the internet) Notice the absense of socio-feminist …

Soooo … either the collective who participate in this blog need to create a definition acceptable to wikipedia of a socio-feminist or you will need to pick from the following list in order to properly clasify yourself. (You do need to be classified … how else can we properly stereotype you)

Subtypes of feminism http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feminist
• African feminism
• Amazon feminism
• Anarcha-Feminism
• Anti-racist feminism
• Black Feminism
• Chicana Feminism
• cultural feminism
• Difference feminism
• ecofeminism
• existentialist feminism
• feminism in Japan
• feminism in Poland
• French feminism
• individualist feminism (also known as libertarian feminism)
• Islamic feminism
• lesbian feminism
• liberal feminism
• male feminism or Pro-feminist men
• Marxist feminism (related to socialist feminism) • material feminism
• New feminism
• pop feminism
• post-colonial feminism
• postmodern feminism which includes queer theory
• pro-sex feminism (also known as sexually liberal feminism, sex-positive feminism, do me feminism)
• psychoanalytic feminism
• radical feminism
• separatist feminism
• socialist feminism
• spiritual feminism
• standpoint feminism
• third-world feminism
• transnational feminism
• transfeminism
• womanism
• Certain actions, approaches and people can also be described as proto-feminist or post-feminist.

Amy Guth said...

I'm not a socio-feminist. The term was first handed out in reference to a few pieces I had written-- essays addressing social issues, but through somewhat of a feminist filter. So, people, not socio-feminists. Writing genre, can be, I suppose, socio-feminist.

Anyway, I didn't make it up. I don't tell anyone what they can and can't slap together with a hyphen.

aaron leyva said...

Damn, dude. Couldn't you have just asked what socio-feminist meant? Why make it an attack?

Leah said...

We are TOTALLY minions!

Love it.

But, um, I'm a socio-minyan.

Adam Shprintzen said...

Umm, and at what point did Wikipedia turn into the comprehensive authority on all things intelletual? If it doesn't exist on Wikipedia, it doesn't exist? I think not.

Further, isn't it far more important to be an independent, creative individual, rather than fall into some silly, pre-fabricated categorical absolute?

Adam Shprintzen said...

PS...

Wikipedia doesn't even include Jewish-Feminist. I think your argument just lost any and all credence if you look at the major figures in American feminism and their religious background.

Wings said...

I do apologize to anyone took me seriously. I think leah took it in the context it was intended.

With phrases like (one step below God), (These must be right … I read it on the internet), and (You do need to be classified … how else can we properly stereotype you) I thought for sure how tongue in cheek I was would be transparent.

I enjoy amy's writing and her attitude towards life. (not to the point of asking her to marry me, but ...) I definitely consider myself to be a minion in training.

aaron, come on guy, you're a little defensive aren't you?

adam, I dislike labels and that was probably more than anything else, the motivation behind the entry. It was kind of a reaction to a sentence in an email that amy sent refering to the bookstore she is reading at as a "feminist bookstore".

I think amy is a pretty cool human period.

Amy Guth said...

Thanks, Wings. :)

Um, can I still be a robo-feminist?

Nicky said...

Ooh, can I be French Feminism?

That list, which I assume comes from wiki, is funny because it starts to read like a list of Barbies to me.

"New Existentialist Feminist! Comes with her own copy of Simone de Beavoir's She Came to Stay, a pack of unfiltered cigarettes, and a pink hairbrush!"