May 2, 2008

"CLUMSY AND SHY"

I had a very weird dream last night, as per my usual. It involved respected doctors giving me lousy and nonsensical advice, me telling them all "no, you're not listening to me" and leaving their offices, as they'd each given solutions as absurd as ordering a colonoscopy to diagnose why I sneezed more than three times in a row, insisting I had ovarian cancer by the way I blinked, calling me developmentally disabled because my fingers were too thin, and insisting I needed to be under sedation to control the "rage that is displayed in the red you wear". It was absurd. I wasn't being heard at as I insisted my health was great, and none of the doctors took into account that I had any sense of self-awareness at all.

So, I ran, and I ran into some freaky, scary woods only to wander and wander. The woods seemed scary at first, but I kind of liked them once I was there and used to them. Then, I came upon a clearing that was sunny and pretty and had this tiny old Middle Ages-looking cottage in the center. So, I went in and it was an old apothecary, but self serve. I looked through bottles and sachets and found things and put them into my apron (suddenly I wore an apron) pockets like ginger "because the smell makes me happy" and violets "because they remind me of violets that grew outside my window when I was a kid" and simple, easy reasons. And, I collected bits of things and felt so happy and felt like I was doing the best possible thing by trusting my instincts.

No interpretation need. I think it's pretty obvious what that dream was about. Thanks for the pat on the back, subconscious mind.

So, I woke up thinking about confidence and self-trust. I posted on Twitter this morning, "What rattles your confidence easily?" And, here's what I got back:

  • One person said falling down in public.
  • Several people said their confidence was shaken when they felt like they were about to be blind-sided.
  • Several more said feeling scorned or unheard or ignored or having their enthusiasm dampened by being ignored or blown-off was a big confidence shaker.
  • Three people said meeting someone intelligent and attractive for the first time make them feel less-than-confident.
  • Several said drawing a blank or feeling unsure and on the spot when asked a question made them feel badly.
  • One person said she felt badly when her parenting abilities were questioned, but admitted that her skin is thickening in that regard.
  • Three people said getting feedback that contradicts their own thoughts, gut feeling or methods shook their footing.
  • Four people said having too much to do in too little time was a hard for them to navigate.
Anyone?

1 comment:

Jewgirl said...

That's a fantastic dream, emphasizing the importance of trusting your instincts. I think it's so very important to trust one's instincts. When I worry that I might be wrong, in the end when I've trusted my instincts regardless of the outcome, it was always the right decision.

I remember that twitter- loved it. I didn't see all of those responses. I'm glad you posted them.

PS: Love the part of your dream with violets and ginger, those are the coziest scents.