"GIRL AFRAID"

I decided Needles-In-Boob and Needle-in-Chest/Lung warranted a treat. I had a few suggestion roll in (from people I listen to) as I explained the day. Suggestions ranged from the very adorable (milkshakes and curly fries, another kitten) to the bare-bones sensible (a day off, sleeping in) to the hard-to-pull-off-at-the-last-minute (a trip to Peru, a day at the spa) to the I'll-have-to-think-about-that-one (a boob tattoo saying "fuck off", an aura adjustment, a walk on hot coals). I love all of these ideas, really, and appreciate them all so very much, but decided a simple manicure and pedicure would fix me right up.

At the salon, a crazy woman with eight ultra-long orange fingernails (the pinkies were chewed off and unforch), kept coming into the place and heckling the nail techs in this freaky, tinny voice. Think Fran Drescher from the deep south. (I like hearing southern accents, love even. I'm not knocking them. Just saying, mixed with Fran Drescher, it's haarible.) My nail tech is Vietnamese, and we were merrily chatting away when the crackwhore busts in and goes, "Hownka ching ching chong! Damn Chinese ladies!" and runs away.

What??? We laugh and continue our conversation about Asian cooking.

Then, she comes back in, sucking on her pinky finger and sucking her teeth and goes, "Do you touch up roots?" And she's waving a box of root touch-up haircolor, presumably from the nearby pharmacy. She says it so weirdly that she's hard to really understand, so she is ignored. She goes, "Ya'll touch up roots or not, waterbug? Chonka ching ching chong!" at the top, and I mean top, of her lungs.

She comes back twice, both times asking customers if their manicures, pedicures, eyebrow waxes, whatever "Feel so good, yeah you like that? Yeah, do you?" But not sexily. Menacingly. Meanly, even. Then, she was just sort of shouting and snorting and singing Coal Miner's Daughter really horribly. Finally she leaves. We all sort of looked at each other then giggled. How weird!

Anyway.

I don't even know where to go with that one. I'm going out to buy cat food before the child claws my eyes out.