"CALIGULA WOULD HAVE BLUSHED"

Say, do me a favor-- everyone click over to my friend Dondi's blog and wish that little darlin' a very happy birthday before you do another thing. So what if you don't know her? She's awesome, my friend and it's her birthday. Reason enough. Go, go. Do it.

Now then. (smooths skirt, pats hair)

In case anyone is wondering, I think I am at the mercy of my bikini waxer's whims. She bends me around like she was my friggin' Yoga instructor, yanks then laughs. Everytime. This is how she does. A little chatty, but mostly tough. When I've asked what she compels her to laugh, she says, "Sometimes wax very funny for some ladies". I'm not certain, but I thin she's calling me a pussy for flinching. I mean, c'mon. I'm there voluntarily, it's not so bad. I take it like a woman. but then, she progressed into this habit I like to call the yank, laugh and slap, which involves yanking the fabric and hot wax off of my bathing suit area, laughing, then slapping the ka-blammo out of the spot. While, yes, she did hear correctly, it does actually prevent the hair removal process from stinging, per se, it does, well, result in getting slapped in the lilly.

Why subject myself to her, you ask? Because she does the best bikini wax in town, in my humble opinion. So, I've just grinned and dealt. Well, today, we start talking about the country she hails from and how I've looking into visiting there and then, I share the handful of words and terms I know in her native language and, can I tell you? She suddenly is a sweet little waxing lamb and not only gives me one of the better bikini and eyebrow waxes of my life, but I barely even feel a thing.

I think maybe she had the wrong idea about me as some ethnocentric asshole? I've had plenty of tip-based job in my life so I usually err on tipping as well as I can, so maybe she thinks I'm some prissy rich girl? Joke's on you, bikini waxer! Anyway, whatever she did think, all I know is that she doesn't think it now because she changed her tune. So there! Take that bikini waxer of doom! Admit you misjudged me and now we are totally friends. Do it.

In other news, I staked my tomato plants and they look nice. I painted my toenails metallic purple and they look nice, too.